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Bernie was terribly distressed when
he entered the coaching room. His eyes were wide open, his
hair was disheveled, and he spoke to me very quickly.
"I've been thinking about this since yesterday.
I know that it's useful to watch oneself on video, but I've
decided that I really don't want to see my tape today."
I thought about what he said and considered
his obvious anxiety. Bernie and five of his colleagues had
completed the first day of our Presentation Skills program.
They had practiced the specific skills we were working on
and each exercise had been video-taped. Today, Bernie and
I were meeting for one hour on day two, as I do with each
participant, to review his tape and discuss how we could make
him an even better speaker.
Despite Bernie's desperate plea, I put the
tape in and pushed Play. As we watched, his expression
turned from one of embarrassment and fear to pleasant surprise.
When the tape finished, he remarked as so many others have:
"I'm not nearly as bad as I thought I was!"
Bernie's realization highlights the biggest
struggle that we have as speakers: dealing with our own minds.
Of all the obstacles we have in speaking, nothing is more
important than monitoring our internal conversation.
Here are two bits of speaking wisdom that
will help you deal with the most difficult audience member
you will ever have: yourself.
Rule #1: You come across better than you
think.
You may be thinking, "That may be true for most people,
but I know how I come across!" The truth is, most people
don't give themselves enough credit for their speaking abilities.
In fact, in my experience, most people appear much better
to their listeners than they imagine. If you must have an
inner voice commentating on your every word and movement
then let it be a positive one. Tell yourself and truly believe
that you are a good speaker and keep your self-talk positive.
The more you do this, the more you will see the how true
it is.
Rule #2: Your listeners only get what you
give them.
So what happens when we mess up while speaking? Did you ever
forget what you were going to say? Did you ever realize that
you left out an important part of the talk? How about the
time you walked into a meeting to find you had neglected
to prepare for that 15-minute report you were about to give?
Our listeners don't know what we were going
to say. They don't know in what order we were
going to present our material. And unless they can see
our shirt moving from the pounding of our heart, they
usually can't even pick up on our nervousness. So, unless
you want people to know about these "shortcomings", don't
tell them. And never apologize for your performance.
Only give your listeners what you want them to know.
Remember that the biggest struggles we have
in our development as speakers come from within ourselves.
If we can get a handle on our internal dialogue and keep
those self-sabotaging thoughts from interfering with our
performance, we will be over the biggest hurdle.
Know that like Bernie, you come across to your
listeners much better than you imagine. And fercryinoutloud,
give your listeners ONLY what you want them to have!
Robert Graham
Robert Graham is the Principal of GrahamComm (www.grahamcomm.net), a consulting and training company that helps clients increase their sales and deliver outstanding presentations. He can be reached at 415-652-0763 or Robert@grahamcomm.net.
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We offer this article on a nonexclusive basis. You may reprint or repost this material as long as Robert Graham’s name and contact information is included. Robert@grahamcomm.net, 415-652-0763, www.grahamcomm.net.
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