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What if I told you that I could help you connect
with your listeners, improve the pacing of your
presentations, read your listeners' responses to
you and dramatically reduce your nervousness when
public speaking? What if I then told you that you could
do all of this by mastering only one new skill?
Well that's what I'm about to tell you. This
month's article is devoted to the most useful skill you will
tackle in your development as a speaker (as well as one of
the most difficult): Eye Contact.
Sure, we've all heard how important it is to
have good eye contact with our listeners. Many of us might
even claim that we already do a pretty good job at it. From
all my years of working with speakers, I can tell you that
there is probably some room for improvement.
The eyes are the most direct link to our
emotions. And since one of the most critical tasks
of speaking is connecting with our listeners, we'd be foolish
not to take full advantage of this.
Ask yourself this: Why is it that we seem to
do our best during Question and Answer sessions? It's because
we are engaged with a single person having a conversation.
And that is exactly what we want to be doing the entire time
we are speaking! All of us are comfortable in conversations. So
think of speaking to a group as having a bunch of small conversations -
not the dreaded "public speaking".
Pick a person, stop and talk to him or her
for an entire thought or sentence. Then, at a natural
transition in your talk, find somebody else in the room,
walk over toward them if possible, stop and talk to them.
It's that simple.
On the average, you want to spend 3-5 seconds with
each listener before moving on. Any less than that is a bit
fleeting, and much more can make your audience members feel
uneasy.
"But Robert," you protest, "I don't want my
listeners to feel uncomfortable."
When was the last time a speaker included you
in their talk and made you feel uncomfortable? As a listener,
you are simply glad that the speaker is paying attention
to you.
"But Robert," you continue, "I already do this!"
Pay attention next time you are giving a presentation.
Sure, you may be looking at everyone in the room. But are
you staying with each person and speaking to them or simply
panning the room back and forth doing your best sprinkler
imitation?
Practicing using good eye contact may not feel
comfortable at first. But all you have to do is know that
it works and follow Robert's Seven Rules for Excellent
Eye Contact:
- Always "Speak to the eyes" (not your notes, slides, flipchart,
the floor, ceiling, etc.)
- Use "soft eyes" - don't bore holes through people
- Spend an entire sentence or thought with one person before
moving on
- Include everyone in the room
- Use a random pattern going around the room
- In large groups, focus on one area of the room as if
it was one listener (everyone in that area will think you
are looking at him or her)
- When seated, make sure you include those on either side
of you
- Be sensitive to cultural differences
Developing this skill will probably take some getting used
to. And it may not be your favorite activity of the day.
But if you want to develop quickly as a speaker, you must
take advantage of the "windows to the soul." You must
master the use of eye contact.
Robert Graham
Robert Graham is the Principal of GrahamComm (www.grahamcomm.net), a consulting and training company that helps clients increase their sales and deliver outstanding presentations. He can be reached at 415-652-0763 or Robert@grahamcomm.net.
Re-Print Conditions
We offer this article on a nonexclusive basis. You may reprint or repost this material as long as Robert Graham’s name and contact information is included. Robert@grahamcomm.net, 415-652-0763, www.grahamcomm.net.
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